I have been getting the niggling again to try this blogging thing again, how many times does this make it 4 or 5 who knows I’ve lost count.
Keep saying that I have words in me and experiences that may help others but that means putting those experiences into words and feeling the emotions that might have been buried along with the memories of what and how it was.
Do I really want to deal with all the hurt that has occurred with some of the experiences that have made me who I am, do you want to hear about all that is me.
I don’t know what I want this to be but I have been doing a lot of exploring into who I am as a person pretty sad considering I’m 40 and I still don’t know who I am I know who people expect me to be but at the core of it do I really know who I am and what I desire out of my life.
Not really for most of my life I have had a role and it has been all decided for me a lot of people think that I’m sheltered and haven’t really experienced much life but I think that opposite is true I think that in the last 2 years I’ve hidden myself away because the life I have experienced has been so real that I just need to not deal with any more than I do.
I have had many conversations asking what would you do if money/time were not a controlling factor, who would you be and I keep getting that I would write.
First I need to expose myself right now I’m just typing to myself and no one reads this but what happens if on the off chance that someone who knows me reads this then what.
Will they still look at me the same way or will the looks change to pity, I need my mask to stay on in the real world or it will slip and become permanently lost and people will see what has been hiding underneath all these years.
Guess we will find out because it is May 1st today and I was clearly pushed and the words keep coming. Here we go blog attempt ## who cares.