Time to try again

I have been getting the niggling again to try this blogging thing again, how many times does this make it 4 or 5 who knows I’ve lost count.

Keep saying that I have words in me and experiences that may help others but that means putting those experiences into words and feeling the emotions that might have been buried along with the memories of what and how it was.

Do I really want to deal with all the hurt that has occurred with some of the experiences that have made me who I am, do you want to hear about all that is me.

I don’t know what I want this to be but I have been doing a lot of exploring into who I am as a person pretty sad considering I’m 40 and I still don’t know who I am I know who people expect me to be but at the core of it do I really know who I am and what I desire out of my life.

Not really for most of my life I have had a role and it has been all decided for me a lot of people think that I’m sheltered and haven’t really experienced much life but I think that opposite is true I think that in the last 2 years I’ve hidden myself away because the life I have experienced has been so real that I just need to not deal with any more than I do.

I have had many conversations asking what would you do if money/time were not a controlling factor, who would you be and I keep getting that I would write.

First I need to expose myself right now I’m just typing to myself and no one reads this but what happens if on the off chance that someone who knows me reads this then what.

Will they still look at me the same way or will the looks change to pity, I need my mask to stay on in the real world or it will slip and become permanently lost and people will see what has been hiding underneath all these years.

Guess we will find out because it is May 1st today and I was clearly pushed and the words keep coming. Here we go blog attempt ## who cares.

Tina Marie


Catch up Time..

So I’m doing good with the whole daily blogging thing realized I’ve missed a day or two so I’m catching up this post # 2 of 3 that we’ll be going up today and it’s a eazy peazy one. It’s a meme.

To get to know me better and for me to see if anything has changed since the last time I did it.

Here it goes: It’s an oldie but goodie from 2010 redux for 2016

I borrowed this idea from Sue way back when and I clicked on the link she is not blogging so I removed the link. ( in brackets I’m going to put the things that have changed)

I thought it would be an insightful look into myself. You know to challenge myself to see if I could actually come up with a 100 things. So here it goes.

*Warning those that don’t want to know everything about me, should not read today’s entry. Stop reading right now !!! Or you will learn everything

100 Things:

1. Born with black natural curly hair.
2. Born 9 days before Christmas.. supposed to be new years
3. Still Single & Childless (by choice for now)
4. Nickname by family members is “Walking Encyclopedia”.
5. Have an uncanny knack to remember songs, numbers, and stupid facts, data.
6. Live with my mom/roommate in a 2 bedroom apt on the top floor, hopefully a house someday.. (Live on my own first time since 1999, always had a roommate or lived with one of the parents in a one bedroom apt on the top floor.)

7. Like to play HOG (hidden object games, or Adventure games from http://www.bigfishgames.com or http://www.gamehouse.com and find all my gaming info from http://www.gamezebo.com. (That’s sort of the same now it’s just big fish and mostly match 3’s)
8. unemployed/ but has grandiose dreams of various careers including writer and real estate agent ( think I’m too nice for real estate) (Employed at the same place for 5 years and then some started as a temp now a Data Integrity Coordinator)

9. I have 2 furbabies cats Precious (Calico) 5 and Blessing (Black) 3. 
10. Would love to travel to Europe (Scotland) and visit all the historic castles. (Australia, Mexico again, anywhere someone would want me to go except for India no desire to go there)
11. Aunt to 6 children (5 are my younger bro’s). Katie 14, Kalie 8 years, Kaige 7 years, Kiera 4, Kash 3 and my step sis has 1 Dayton who is 3. ( 5 because don’t have a step sis anymore they are Katie 20, Kalie 14, Kaige 13, Kiera 11, Kash 10
12. I love Australian, British and New Zealand TV shows. right now I’m enthralled in Masterchef Australia, Home and Away, Shortland Street and British Next Top Model. (yeah same just add Holly Oaks, Neighbours, Casualty, Holby City, Great British Bake off/ any Country, Youtube)
13. Have no diplomas but people think I went to University/College. (Still hope to change that achieving a degree)
14. Know how to play piano basic songs (no Beethoven or Bach well some not full sonata’s or overtures.).
15. Love to sing and I usually do all the time to the radio, in my head, when I’m blogging etc.
16. Like any music with a great beat that is danceable or that I can sing along with, I do mean anything.
17. Dislike really heavy steel metal (have to be in a mood for it).
18. Like to organize things (magazine’s, CD’s, DVD’s, MP3’s, books, clothes, calendar, web pages).
19. I am prone to stubbing my toe’s.
20. Am interested in anything to do with houses from the Architecture, Design to the Buying and Selling of them, probably because my one big dream is to own my own house. (Yeah that’s changed still would like to flip houses but own one not so much after the nightmare of co owning Dad’s (long story maybe I’ll explain and maybe I won’t but houses are more than just a home there’s a lot of bs that goes with them renting is much easier for my psyche.)
21. Love Reality TV where people’s dreams are realized like Extreme Home Makeover, So You Think You Can Dance, American Idol. Masterchef, Top Chef
22. Know how to needlepoint, embroider, cross stitch, and sew.
23. Don’t know how to knit, crochet or quilt.
24. Bite my nails (trying not to) & fidget (tap pens, fingers, feet etc.)
25. Love to dance.

26. Was born in Sudbury, Ontario on Dec 16th, 1976 @ 10:25pm.

27.Purple is my favorite color then blue/green & black.

28. I’m addicted to stumbling http://www.stumble.com you end up in some werid places but it’s places you might never have explored on your own. (That’s gone now it’s been changed to Pinterest)

29. Love doing Word puzzles especially Cryptograms, logic problems, fill it in’s.
30. Haven’t had an alcohol beverage since my 30th bday, I’m 33 now. and I gave up pop and coffee longer then that over 9 years ago in 2001.(Same 10 years on my 40th for Alcohol and 16 years for pop and coffee)
31. Love to Shop, window shopping is funner sometimes as there is no remorse, no buying but no remorse when I shop I like to shop at Gap, Suzy Sheir, Smart Set, Ricki’s H&M, Le Chateau, and Reitman’s oh and Old Navy is not bad for some stuff. ( Same)
32. Summer is my favorite season then fall. (not this one i’m trapped in my apartment can breath in this heat) (Same but summer in the new place was amazing)
33. Favorite City is Toronto, I like Ottawa and Montreal too.
34. Favorite song is undecided, too many that I like.
35. Reading is my favorite thing to do after Computer. (Colouring has taken the place of reading)
36. Favorite mall is Square One in Mississauga then Eaton’s Centre then the Place D’Orleans Mall in Ottawa.
37. Have Sensitive Skin & Teeth.
38. Am a shy person till I get to know ya.
39. I am accident prone. (Bumping things, hitting my head, spraining my ankles, etc.) No broken bones yet (crossing my fingers) LOL. (Sprained both ankles this summer left really bad still recovering and right was mild)
40. Soft hearted and compassionate.
41. Used to collect Teddy bears, now I collect music and DVD’s. ( Don’t collect anything anymore)
42. Healthy addiction to magazines, I buy 8 monthly since I was 12, they’ve changed as I’ve grown up but these are what I read now, and I subscribed to them so I get them more then half off the newstand prices I pay an average of $23 a month for them. ( Marie Claire, Glamour, Self, House & Home, Style at Home, Money Sense, Lou Lou and I buy Weightwatchers (good recipes)) (Don’t buy magazines anymore gone digital and don’t buy read them on issuu and from my library
43. Used to figure skate, gymnastics, tennis, basketball.
44. Good cook and baker (Actually doing more now that I’m on my own batch cooking has become a life style)
45. Love the water anything to do with it.(except boats, motion sickness).
46. Sarcastic.
47. Night owl. (Not so much now latest I stay up is 1 am and up by 7am very rare for me to pull an all nighter anymore)
48. Have Allergies (to perfumes/ cleaners/) Migraines/ Asthma and IBS.
49. Aspiring writer, don’t know if I’ll write the great novel it’s just a hobby.
50. Love thrill rides like roller coasters the higher/faster they go the better.
51. Used to smoke but if you ask my family I was never a real smoker (3 smokes a day does not a smoker make).
52. Can’t drink Pop/ Any Carbonated drinks (makes me break out, don’t know why?), Coffee gives me migraines.
53. Have no investments or savings too busy paying living expenses.
54. Just got my license in August 2003, G1 that is. ( Then the world went dark , day of the big blackout in North America) then I got my G2, but then I got to busy at work to get my G and now I’m back to being a G1 driver soon to change as soon as I have money again. (Now medically not allowed to drive for a year so that’s on hold)
55. Love to play air drums or head bang to good rock songs.
56. Had one serious relationship in my life that lasted for 8 years off and on.
57. Have not had a serious face to face relationship since that one, I say face to face because an online one for 4 years doesn’t count.. (Yeah same too much family stuff for a relationship)
58. Can be argumentative at times, parents thought I should’ve been a lawyer.
59. Have blue eyes that change color depending on what I’m wearing.
60. Those blue eyes wear glasses all the time except when I’m sleep, shower or swim.
61. Have blonde hair (dirty blonde with fake highlights). (Almost light brown changing as I age that and I haven’t had it highlighted/coloured in almost 4 years)
62. Know how to build things using tools like drill, saw, lathe, jigsaw, and router. (Would probably need a refresher)
63. Would like to learn to speak other languages like French (dad’s native tongue), Spanish & maybe Italian. (started french on duolingo officially 32% bilingual lol)
64. Love interior design & Home Improvement and Food, could live on http://www.hgtv.ca and http://www.foodnetwork.ca.
65. Have never had long hair past my shoulders.  ( it’s on it’s way now, unemployed mean no money for hair maintenance) no back to medium length easier to manage plus it looks healthier
66. Have never tried drugs except for prescription.
67. Have no idea how much I weigh haven’t stepped on a scale in over 3 yrs. (Just weighed myself I’m 165lbs)
68. Wear a size 12-16, on a good day a twelve. I’m bigger on bottom then on top. (Same)
69. I’m overweight by about 50-70 pds and would like to change it.. (It’s still about 40lbs but it’s been the same for the past year)
70. Like cars, don’t know everything about them but I can hold my own in conversations about them.
71. I’m not pictured in my yearbooks grad pictures I was out sick and never made the retakes.
72. Once participated in a beauty pageant where for my talent I sang “Without You” by Mariah Carey, A Capella in front of 1500 people.
73. Pluck my eyebrows & shave my legs/bikini area (waxing scares me to bits). (wax my eyebrows shave everywhere else)
74. was born two weeks premature and jaundiced. (still can’t donate blood)
75. Since high school I have moved 17 times and lived in 6 cities/towns. (Lived at the last place for 9 years)
76. My parents are divorced and have been longer then they were married. (Dad is now separated from his 2nd wife)
77. Used to swear like a sailor now I only swear when I’m mad or hurt badly. (Like when I work on my web page for 5 hrs and no work is saved)
78. Like to spend money on my hair from the hair cut to the products I use (Cut my own hair)
79. I am short 5ft and ¼. I need that one quarter.
80. Don’t have a sweet tooth. (I like salty crunchy things). (Like both more now together around my period)
81. I have a younger brother Timothy “Tim” 31, and a half sister I’ve never met Lisa (Older).  and a Step Sis Leeann who is 29. (Don’t have a step sis and bro is now 37 and still have met the elusive older sister)
82. I’m the person people confide in when they don’t want their secret to become gossip for everyone’s ears. I’ve heard this phrase all my life “don’t tell anyone Tina” and I haven’t. I will go to my grave with these secrets unless someone finds my journals and reads them.
83. I have a strong faith and believe in God, it’s putting it into practice that’s the issue. (More now these last 3 years than ever and yes still having issues with putting it into practice)
84. Great diplomat some would say too much of one, see all sides of the issue, never really establishing my stance.
85. Born to multitask. I don’t think I know how to do one thing at once. (Working on being a single tasker)
86. Procrastinator. (Still working on this supposed to be doing dishes instead I’m blogging)
87. Have many of my mom’s characteristics:  her hips, her nose, the Harnum belly, her compassion for others, here generosity (well that’s both parents), her resiliency, her tenacity and her strength)
88. Like my dad also. I have his eyes, his tiny hands & feet, his imagination, his temper, his humor, his intelligence (brain smarts from dad, heart smarts from mom)
89. Suck at math like fractions and geometry but awesome at business math.
90. Best subject in school was Science and History, my worst was French. (which is bad i’m half french)
91. Can remember dreams for days afterwards, sometimes only for minutes.
92. Still call people sir and maam and open the door for all (no matter what age they are).
93. Have an above average I.Q. according to a quiz I took once LOL.
94. Can live on my homemade oven roasted potatoes.
95. Spend too much time doing nothing,
96. Love to laugh at stupid comedies, like movies that most people hate.
97. I skipped almost 10 things about myself and now I’m making them up on the fly.
98. Have had many friends but none that I have stayed in contact with too much moving. (Same but now it’s more because I don’t have energy to maintain friendships with everything going on in my life)
99. Love to learn, about many things.. especially about what we can each do to make this world better.
100.My dad and I argue that my middle name is Christina it’s not. I don’t have a middle name my name is just Tina Marie that’s what my birth certificate says.

I don’t do Christmas..

Well not entirely true I love all aspects of it but the money spending part in January you’ll understand why that is the case.

Let’s start at the beginning.  I used to do Christmas big, and I mean big not thousands of dollars but you know at least a thousand but that all changed like 6 years ago.

You see one year I spent my blood sweat and tears making homemade gifts for everyone, cans that I had painted for each specific person in my family and then filled with goodies, on top of that I also went hog crazy and baked a tonne and gave that out to friends and family it was a great year and I loved doing it but I wasn’t doing it for the right reasons sure I wanted to make people happy but I also wanted to hear the wow I can’t believe you did this praise too.  You see most of the time I feel underestimated, underappreciated, just here and I thought if I went broke making people notice me then it would fill me up for a little bit and it did for a little bit.

Then I noticed how much stuff my nieces and nephews get and started to concentrate on experiences for them because lets face it they remember more what we do then what I get them plus no more broken heart for me when I see my hard earned money in the trash from broken toys, laptops etc.

Life then got in the way and the money wasn’t there like it was before and hasn’t really been. I mean one year I had to take most of my money to pay for a trip to Mexico for my friend’s wedding and the deposit was required before Christmas and the rest in Feb so no Christmas that year.

Then dad got sick and well all my extra money was making sure that his life hadn’t changed because who knew how long he was going to be with us turns out he has beaten doctors expectations and like us we don’t know how long we have.

Now it is truly because the money isn’t there to do it and in all honesty if it was I still don’t think I would spend like I used to, in adopting this new attitude I avoid all the stress that normally comes with Christmas.

I don’t have to stress out if so and so likes my gifts, or how I’m going to pay the bills after Christmas, well I do that anyways but it’s not because I blew it on Christmas it’s just the way life is right now which I’ll get into in January.

I don’t even have money this year to buy new Christmas decorations not even one’s at the dollar store so I’m going to colour some pictures in bright colours and put them up around my apartment and put a sign on the door and maybe try to buy some dollar store lights or something.

Good thing I’m not a little kid with all the expectations of Christmas and wishing for a bunch of presents under the tree that won’t be there. That I know what the real reason for Christmas is and why I should celebrate it.

Tina Marie

Welcome to Blogmas

Okay so I can’t believe it that were going into the month of December that this year is over in 30 days.

Vlogmas is a trend on youtube and I’m not sure it has translated to the blogging world but I’m going to push myself to post something daily for the next month and maybe it will continue into the new year.  We’ll see.

Lots of big things happening this month besides Christmas, I turn 40.  On December 16th.

I’ll do a major reflective post on that soon but for now lets keep it light and fluffy.

I’m debating about how real I want to get on here right now no one is reading so maybe I’ll just let it all out.  I need an outlet and this might be it.

As in previous attempts my self confidence and worrying what others would think kept getting in the way and I felt like I needed to censor my thoughts well this blog attempt will stick because I’m going to be real well keeping some secrets not for censorship but for privacy.  I don’t tell my immediate family everything I don’t plan on sharing it all with everyone reading.

The one place that this won’t be the case is my finances as I plan on this blog being my accountability partner in relation to finances I am going to be completely real with the mess I’ve got myself into.  That won’t start till Jan because I’ll be honest I’m not too sure if I’m going to follow through yet with this aspect because point blank I’m ashamed.

So lets have December be light and fluffy and in Jan we’ll hit the ground running with the real life stuff.

Welcome to December and your last month of your 30’s. How the heck did that happen.

2016 is my year because I said so and 2017 is my Comeback year.  Lots of things to look forward to.  Lets get it started and finished at the same time.

God Bless

Tina Marie





My First Blog Post!

Well on this blog, starting over again.

This will be the fourth attempt at starting a blog.  I have been trying to be a consistent blogger since blogging became a thing.

I kept thinking that I wanted a forum to broadcast my thoughts outside of my inner circle without the judgement and sly comments but then worried about the same thing from complete strangers.

Oh well here we go I have  a lot of things that who knows maybe will help someone else and if nothing else getting these rambling thoughts out of my head will give it more space for more important things like life.

I’m not going to promise consistency right now, but I will promise is that this is going to be an honest portrayal of my life as I remember it happening.

This fourth attempt is because I keep getting this nagging feeling that my words might do some good for me and for others.

There is much to talk about and you’ll find that I ramble if you like short and to the point, I’m not it.  I tend to write like I’m having an internal conversation and sometimes that means that my points are not clear, grammar sucks and well it’s not rehearsed or researched maybe as we go along that will change but for now this is the way things are going to be.

So welcome to Tina Marie